Where the Buddha Meets the Road

 

by Kiley Jon Clark

 

Maybe it was my American Puritan upbringing, but I’ve got a problem with judging people. I don’t do this much with ordinary folk, but mostly spiritual leaders. When I hear of one stumbling into ‘misappropriation of funds’ or ‘sex with students,’ I think, “Oh my God, how could they do such a thing?” And I get so upset; it’s almost like shooting a mental finger at them.

And you know what Buddha said about that, ‘When shooting the bad finger at others, it leaves three fingers pointing back at you.’ OK, so, Buddha didn’t say that. But he said other things similar, such as, “Counting another man’s faults, only doubles you own” and “Look upon your own faults, what you have done and left undone”.

When I hear about Buddhist leaders tangled up in ‘sordid affairs’, suddenly I start feeling all let down and holier than thou. This is strange because, when I met my Soul Mate, she was a married woman. (gasp-breathe-read on.)

I was divorced from a woman, who I had cheated on many times, and my Soul Mate had one foot out the door of her marriage. We met at the city swimming pool, where I had taken the kids for some fun in the sun.

During this time in my life, I’m sure it was the few beers and pain pills that gave me the courage to strike up a conversation with her. I say this, because one, I drank and popped pain pills almost every day back then and two, she remembers this day with way more clarity than I do.

Diane and I would meet again years later after my sobriety. And she says, that she had ‘fallen’ for me during that very first meeting. Truth be told, she knew my brother, and had kept track of my life through him. (Some people call these folks, Stalkers. Lol.)

So, although I realize the trouble and pain that our relationship caused others for a time, it did turn out well. But I do not recommend this type of behavior to anyone. But, if I was in a relationship with a married woman who would later leave her husband for me, how dare I even lift an eyebrow over rumored infidelities in some spiritual leader who I don’t even know?

If they are all adults, and choose to close out a mediation retreat with an orgy, booze, and tabs of acid, what the hell business is it of mine? There are innumerable stories of spiritual leaders throughout history that have done and lived lifestyles that don’t jive with our ideas of morality, but seem to have been right on target with their work and teachings. I don’t understand this. But then again, I don’t have to.

If you ask me, I should worry about my own life and practice. I have vowed to take on the training practice of no intoxicants, no sexual misconduct and the others and choose to follow spiritual guides that have done the same.

 I am no one to judge. When some starry eyed, college girl calls me up and tells me that she is writing a paper about Buddhist Outreach and wants to interview me, and then I’m in my closet thinking, ‘Hmm, which pair of these jeans makes me look better?’, then I am already in error.