Where the Buddha Meets the Road

 

“Killing for my Daughter” by Kiley Jon Clark

 

The Buddha said, “No one can make us angry, if the seed of anger is not already in our hearts.” So, as any good Buddhist, I’ve been trying to uproot that seed for years.

Sometimes I’m foolish enough to think that I have actually removed the seed of anger from my heart, then my cell rings, and it’s my ex-wife. And I discover, nope, it’s still there!

I wanted to start off with a little humor, because what I’m about to share with you isn’t easy. In truth, our family was pushed almost to its breaking point in 2010.

It started with a phone call from my fifteen year old daughter, asking me to come pick her up early from a friend’s house. She had that quiver in her voice that told me that something was very wrong.

When I arrived, she was standing out in the yard alone and crying. She told me that they had been watching sad movies, and she just wanted to go home.

For the next several days my daughter became very quiet and withdrawn. She denied that there was anything wrong until we confronted her about what some of her friends had told us.  
 

Then she confirmed what we already suspected. That she had been raped.

She had been raped by a boy that she had known since the first grade. This boy had been to our home many times, and she had visited his house on many occasions.

In actuality, she thought of him as a very close friend, they eat lunch together at school every day, and did things on the weekends together.

We called that police and pressed charges. They picked him up and then release him. Then there was the long wait until the trial.

One of the saddest things that I have ever heard, is when my fifteen year old daughter said to me, “Daddy, if I would have know how many of his friends were going to call me a liar and spread hateful rumors about me, I would never have told.”

And I said, ‘Baby, you told because it was not right what he did. And it was not your fault, and the more that this type of behavior is not reported by women; the more dangerous this world becomes for women, including your two little sisters, and you are showing them what it means to be brave and strong.”

Without going into much detail, let me just say, that I had always said, that if this kind of thing ever happened to one of my daughters, I would kill the person who did it. And I did mean that.

But as I sat in that tiny conference room they were calling ‘juvenile court’, close enough to this boy to hear him breathing, I clung to the one Buddhist Scripture that had become my mantra.

It is a scripture that I am sure great people like Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi, and Cesar Chaves knew very well.

Buddha says, “In this World, hate never yet dispelled hate, only love dispels hate, that is the LAW, ancient and inexhaustible.”

And when my time to speak came, I simply told the boy,

“No, I do not hate you or wish you any harm. But I do want you to realize, that my daughter trusted you and felt safe with you. She thought of you as a brother and what you have done can never be taken back. Because of your actions, my daughter and our entire family will never ever be the same. We all pray that you get the help and counseling that you need, to never, never do this again.”

He was sentenced with a light juvenile probation period and ordered to never contact my daughter. But was not ordered to seek counseling or attend any self betterment classes.

And although he moved to another town, we have recently been informed that he is awaiting trial for two rapes that occurred there.

Listen, all the energy that it would have taken to hurt that boy, or hate that boy, is the energy that I’m now using to hold this family together and help my daughter get the counseling, support, and love that she needs to get through this without becoming a victimized, oppressed and bitter adult.

We have tried to avoid adding even more negative power to this already traumatic event, by not speaking hate filled words about this boy, and in doing so, not creating an environment of anger and frustration around our daughter.

Instead, we are doing are best to handle the highs and lows with love, acceptance, and speak only healing words over each situation.

Perhaps, by doing this, in some small way, we are showing all three of our daughters, that indeed:

“In this World, hate never yet dispels hate, only love dispels hate. This is the Law, ancient and inexhaustible.”